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And the first thing I noticed wasn’t her face, or her smell, or even the overwhelming, terrifying crush of love. It was the second heartbeat in the nursery monitor.
There are moments—sudden, bright—when he will look at me and see me not just as Mom but as a person: my hair undone, my face streaked with tears, but my smile honest. He will catch me at the kitchen table writing a grocery list and say, “You’re doing a great job,” with the solemn inflection of a child who means it, and I will believe him the way you believe sunlight. I tuck that belief into the pocket of my day like a lucky coin.
The "New Mom" me—the mother of a school-aged child—had to learn a new skill. It wasn't potty training or navigating nap schedules. It was the hardest skill yet: Trust. I had to trust that he was brave. I had to trust that I had done my job well enough for him to stand on his own two feet.